Grief Mythbusters

Once you have lost one of your precious loved ones, you start to realize all the things people say and think about death and grieving.  I have come to know that some of them are somewhat true, others completely off and some shouldn't be said at all.  Of course, these are my own personal observations and others may or may not agree with me but here they are:

1. The hardest year is the first year. FALSE......The first year I was completely in a fog and nothing seemed real. This second year has hit me hard! I have to believe that it is true, that she is truly gone. I miss her so bad and I don't have the numbing feeling of disbelief, she is really gone.

2. Time heals all wounds. FALSE.....Some wounds never heal, nor are they meant to heal. The wounds are now scars, but I always am aware of the cracks and the fact that my heart will never fully mend.  Kendra left a big hole in our family and in our hearts and until we see her again, that hole will remain.

3.  At least you know where she is at.  TRUE....We do have that peace in our heart that we know Kendra went to Heaven and she is with her Heavenly Father.  But that does not take the pain away of not having her here with us now.

4.  Everything happens for a reason.  FALSE.....We live in a world of sin and God does not cause bad things to happen to us.  God never promised a trouble free life if we follow him, but he does promise that he will be with us during our times of trouble and he will help us if we call out to him.

5.  It's time you got over this, life goes on.  FALSE....Grief unfortunately becomes a part of us, we do not get over it, we simply learn to live with it.  In time, it will become one part of our life, instead of every moment, every day.

6.  I know how you are feeling, I understand what you are going through.  FALSE....Grief is so different for every single person.  I can't even understand what my husband is feeling or what my daughters are feeling, I have never lost a sister or had such a devastating loss at their young ages. I can certainly feel more empathy now and when I hear someone lost a loved one, I really know the hurt and anguish and it is so much more painful than I ever would have imagined.

7.  It is part of God's plan, she is in a better place.  FALSE.....I love what C.S. Lewis said, he said he thought his wife was in God's hands when she was alive.  God loves us and when we are his children, he does not like to see us suffer.  I don't believe that God's plan would include watching his children suffer and grieve, it's just life that happens to us.

Grief is so personal, yet universal. I would just encourage anyone trying to comfort a grieving person to just listen, love them and be there for them.  Sometimes our actions speak way louder than any words and a good, warm hug is always welcome.