10 Things I Hate about You

This title comes from a movie that the girls and I watched.....a lot.  It had Heath Ledger and it was one of his first movies and the girls loved it.  Anyway it made me think of all the things I hate about you!

I hate that I don't get to hear your big, belly laugh.  It was loud, it was infectious and it was totally you. You would even hold your belly and laugh.

I hate that I don't get to see your name pop up on my phone or get a text or two or hundred, lol. I hate that my phone will never ring again with you on the other line.

I hate that I will never get to take another photo of you with our family, with your children or just of the two of us.  I hate that your photo album ended in 2015, and no new photos ever to be added.

I hate that you will never be at another family holiday, birthday party or gathering. When we plan our holidays now, you are not part of it

I hate that we can only talk about you in the past tense,

I hate that I still want to pick up the phone and call you with some exciting news or an accomplishment of your kids.  When I spot the egg nog out already or a new book or revivals of your favorite shows or Housewices gossip, I want to call you.

I hate that we have a before Kendra and after Kendra, it is definitely a defining moment forever in our lives.

I hate that I will never see you come come back home through our door and see your life completely change.  You were certainly on the right track and I hate that we will never see what you would have become, where life would have taken you.

I hate that I don't get to see you with your kids, laughing and playing.  I hate that I don't get to see you with your sisters, joking, laughing and sharing past memories.

Most of all, I hate that I still miss you as if you just left us yesterday.  My heart still hurts exactly the same and I have a good idea that it's a permanent ache.

I have heard and said "love you with all of my heart" but it takes new meaning when a piece of your heart is gone forever, a little broken and battered.  But Kendra I do love you with all of my heart, you just took a part of it with you when you flew home to Jesus.