December 12.........

December 12........how can one day be the saddest, most devastating day of your life and also be one of the most joyous and happiest days of your life?  I struggle with this, but I have decided that it is going to be day of celebration.  December 12, 2007 was a day of great joy, our first grandchild and only grandson was born. Dan, Stephani and I were all on hand for the birth and we wept tears of joy when we each held him for the first time. Kendra and Lance were beaming with pride. It was not an easy delivery, after more than 17 and a half hours of labor, she was rushed in for an emergency C-section. Into the world entered Ethan Daniel! He has been one of our biggest treasures! It was an awesome Christmas that year.

December 12, 2015 was a day that I will never forget and I remember every detail like it is etched permanently in my mind.  Kendra was going to take Gia to her grandparents house as they had plans. Before she left, she shared a devotion out of her Jesus Calling book, it was from December 10th. The last line in that devotion is "you will have trouble free days awaiting you in Heaven". She took a big slug of egg nog, (right out of the carton) told us she loved us and would be back in awhile to celebrate Ethan's birthday.  I was getting out of the shower hearing my phone ring and I ran to get it. It was a phone call that no one ever wants to get.  I was told that Kendra had been hurt badly in a car accident and they were going to life flight her to Kansas City.  She was a passenger in a car and they were running to McDonalds. Well we frantically waited for news and did not get a call back and I could not get through to anyone. An hour later came the knock at the door, the one you never want or expect to get. Our friend, who was a Highway Patrolman and our pastor came to give us the news. I felt like someone took a sledgehammer to my heart, a heartache is an actual, physical feeling, it is the feeling of a breaking heart. Then follows the frantic phone calls and chaos as you try to comprehend what really happened.  It did not seem real that day and it still does not seem real. Then planning a funeral right before Christmas was a daunting task, but thank goodness I had many people to help. It actually was a beautiful celebration of our K Girl, but went by in a blur. That was our worst, saddest Christmas ever.

So whether we want it to or not, life does go on. I have decided that on this 2nd year date of Kendra going to Heaven and Ethan's 10th birthday, we will celebrate them both.  Ethan is doing fantastic and is so happy, settling into his new family life. He is loved by all and he just keeps showing us how smart he is and what a loving big brother, son, grandson and friend he is to all. I can't wait to see what he will become and I love that he has his Momma Kendra's love of learning and reading.  She started reading to him at a young age and he has her same love of books.  We will celebrate Kendra's life and all the wonderful memories she left us.  We will continue to do service projects and give to others in her name, continue her annual fun run, and help anyway we can, the way she would have wanted us to. I celebrate her in remembering her sense of humor, (wicked and sharp) her loud laugh, her infectious smile and her love for us. She was funny, loud, said what was on her mind and she left a huge hole in our family and a silence that will never be filled.  We miss her every single minute of every single day.  I celebrate her getting clean and sober and finding her way back to us and God. I celebrate that when she died, she was so happy and excited for her future.  I just did not know that her future was not going to be with us.  She left us two beautiful and wonderful children and for that I am forever grateful.

December 12......both happy and sad, but will always be a day of celebration.  I will forever treasure my memories of the past and look forward to what the future holds while keeping Kendra forever in my heart.  Much love to you in Heaven today our K girl.  December 12th, the day the bell rang and the day our K Girl got her wings.