She was ready........

My girls

Some days are still a struggle and I find myself thinking about all the what ifs and maybes and I just plain miss her.  I miss seeing her name come across my phone, I still have not and probably won't ever delete her from my contacts, email, Pinterest or Instagram accounts.  I miss watching her hands move so animatedly while she talked, loudly I might add. I miss seeing her come into a room.  I miss her voice, her laughter and you could tell every mood just by looking at her face.  I miss her hugs. I miss watching her with her kids and her sisters.  She was always joking and teasing, saying whatever came to her mind, not always a good thing, LOL.  I miss watching all my girls together, they always had a good time and I will not get to see that again here on earth.  

I miss her, plain and simple.  I miss her with every breath I take, with every fiber of my being.  It's a longing that never goes away.  I miss her just as much today as I did the day she died.  Time is a funny thing after losing a close loved one. It loses its meaning. I feel like we just lost her last week and at other times it feels like I haven't seen her in so long that I am afraid I am going to forget something about her.  

The saying "lost a child" does not take on any real meaning until you actually have. But I was thinking the other day about losing a child and it was as if God said to me, Cindy, she was ready.  She was ready to come home and I brought her home to be with me.  It really brought me a lot of comfort, because I realized that she belonged to God first, he allowed us to raise her and to have her the short time she was here, but she was his.  And she was ready.  She was clean and sober, had made amends, forgave and was forgiven and had her relationship back on track with God.  That does not mean that I was ready to let her go.  Nor does it mean that it makes my grief any easier, but I have to trust God's timing and accept that He knows best.  I am so thankful that she was ready even though my heart is still broken.  But it also reminds me that we should all be ready when that day comes to meet our Savior, to have our hearts in the right place and ready to meet our Heavenly Father face to face.