A Life Interrupted

The hardest thing about losing a child is not being able to see their whole life unfold, to see what they would have made of it.  I will never get to see what Kendra's life would have looked like after beating addiction and coming out of recovery and rehab.  I will never get to see her with her children and the look of pure joy on her face at their accomplishments.  I will never get to see her graduate college, see what career path she would choose.  She so wanted to help others with addiction and depression problems and I have no doubt she would have done just that.  I will never get to see her get old or have her enter a room ever again.  I will never get to hear her say I love you or feel her arms around me in a big hug. I miss her smile, her infectious laugh and her book and movie reviews. She was always telling me which makeup was the best and what styles were in. 

A life interrupted by drugs is horrible enough and we were so proud of her for all the hard work that she was putting into her recovery.  I was most proud of her because she finally admitted that she needed help and told us the truth about her secret life of addiction and lies. Drug addiction is such an epidemic now days and being ashamed and scared makes it all the easier to keep it a secret.  The real shame is not telling and losing your life.  We had a good family friend lose a son over the weekend due to a drug overdose and it just brought back all the anxiety and feelings of when we had found out that Kendra had almost died of an overdose also. We need to do something to make changes in this country or we are all going to lose a lot more kids.

Kendra and Ethan

Kendra wanted to tell her story, she was done hiding behind her secrets, fear and shame. Her story did not end the way that I would ever have predicted and certainly not the way that I wanted it to, but I have to trust that God wrote her story and it ended that way it was supposed to.  She wanted to try and make a difference, but she is gone. I am happy that she did not die of an overdose, it does not make it any easier to lose her, but she was clean and so proud of it.  She is no longer able to tell her story so I am her voice now.  She wanted her story told and told with conviction and not shame. She wanted others to know that it can happen to anyone, no matter your background or family. At first, I was so horrified to find all this out that my first thought was to keep it a secret, only to be known in our family. But as I read her journals and talked to people in her rehab, I realized that she would not have wanted that. So I put aside my feelings and I talk about it and that drug abuse is one of the most damaging things to happen to a person and their families.  Drugs do not discriminate, drugs do not care if you come from a good family or not, whether you are a good person, wife, husband, student, etc. Drugs will steal every good thing from your life until you are left with a shell of who you used to be.

So Kendra, I hope I am doing you justice, that you are proud of me. That I am your voice and I am doing what you intended to do before your life was interrupted.  But my greatest joy is that your life was only interrupted here on earth, you are now living a most glorious life for all eternity.  Your earthly struggles are no more and for that I feel a peace in my soul.  I still miss you with all of my heart and soul. 

Kendra and Gianna