Time.......

Kendra, Steph and Danielle

Time is nothing I had ever really given a lot of thought to.  Of course, I have noticed it goes faster and faster as I'm getting older.  But I never paid that much attention to it.  A year ago this week, I was preparing for Christmas and for Kendra's return to us from rehab.  We were so excited because we had just bits of conversations with her, but we knew she was returning to us, our Kendra.  

I have never been so excited to see someone as when she came home to us that Thursday afternoon, December 10th.  She arranged to come home one week early so she could be here for Ethan's birthday.  Stephani was in the process of moving out of her apartment after finishing school and moving to St. Louis to finally get to be with her husband.  But she came by here first so she could see Kendra.  We only got to FaceTime with Danielle but we thought we had plenty of time for everyone to get together.

Kendra was so excited to tell me all about rehab, but we thought we had lots of time.  She couldn't wait to tell me about all the friends she made at rehab, we said we had plenty of time now that she was home, so we would talk about it later.  She was determined she was going to work her program and stay diligent in her sobriety and she wanted to share all the books she had brought home with her, lots of time for that we said.  She had her journals that she wanted me to sit and look at with her, sure we would, we had time.   I wanted to take pictures of her, she looked so beautiful and happy again, but of course, no problem, lots of time.

I am so, so happy that she took the time to share her renewed relationship with Christ with me and that last morning before she left, she shared a devotional reading that touched her heart.  When she pulled out of our driveway that morning, I had no clue that not only would I lose my daughter but I would lose something that I had always taken for granted, time.  I would never have another moment with her, never a chat, phone call or get to hear all her stories that she wanted to share with us. Time with her here on this earth ended at 10:20 that morning.  I would give anything to go back in time and have her tell me about her rehab stay, hear about her new friends, look at her journals with her and discuss her program.  I never, ever thought I would not have anymore time with her.

I now know that time is a valuable commodity, something to be treasured, never squandered and never, ever taken for granted.  I don't waste a moment now telling my family and friends that I love them, I take lots of pictures, I sit and listen when family and friends are here.  I make time to do things that are important,  I listen to that small voice telling me to do things that push me out of my comfort zone.  I take time for my devotions and Bible reading.   I speak openly about my faith. I speak openly about Kendra's struggles with drugs and going to rehab.  Because losing Kendra taught me a valuable lesson, never assume we have tomorrow.  I do know this for sure, she died knowing we loved her, we knew she loved us and she went home to spend eternity with her Savior.  We only have today, make the most of the life we are living right now.   Time is a gift, give and spend it generously and wisely. I have also learned that time does not heal all wounds, some wounds never heal. Thank the Lord, when we all get to heaven, time will not matter, we will be together for eternity.  Almost a year in Heaven and I will never get used to you not being here with us.

Kendra, Layne, Steph and Danielle