Yesterday marked a first year wedding anniversary for my beautiful, youngest daughter and her husband whom we love very much. I am so happy for them. It also brought back all the memories of Kendra and the wedding and the overdose. One year ago today, we learned that Kendra almost died of a drug overdose. It was the start of my life forever changing and it changed in ways that I could never have anticipated.
As I look back on this past year, I can now see in perspective where God had his hand in all of it. First of all, Kendra's prayers were answered. She so wanted to get help but was so afraid of asking for it. She was deeply ashamed and embarrassed and did not want us to know. So the overdose was her prayer answered. God saved her life that night and she found out that no matter what, we loved her and we were her family and would always be there for her. Then God paved the way for her to go to an awesome christian rehab, where she not only got clean, but rededicated her life to the Lord, made a lot of friends and realized that she was Kendra again. She was so excited to come back to us and her kids. She couldn't wait to start her life again.
I admit this is where I struggle a bit, because I truly believe God saved her life that night and got her to rehab, but then only to lose her two days after returning home is a mystery that will only be solved when I get to Heaven. As I am going into the home stretch of my first year on this grief journey, I am feeling so many different emotions. One minute it feels like everything is going good and I'm ok and the next I am crying. I know one thing for sure, time does not heal all wounds. I know now that I will forever miss Kendra, that I will think of her every day, that I will always wish she was still here. I don't think we get better, we get better at dealing with our feelings and our emotions.
So this time last year, I was very hurt and very angry that this happened at Steph and Rob's wedding night and at our hotel. But after the initial shock, her dad and I came and picked her up at the hotel and took her back to the hospital as she was suffering from withdrawls, I knew I loved her more than life and so did her dad. I hated what was happening to her but I loved her. We only wanted her to get better and so did she. This week a year ago was a week of learning what had been going on, but also a week of love, a week of reconnecting to our daughter that we almost lost. We were so grateful to still have her, because she had almost died. It gave us a new appreciation for her and she knew we had her back, no matter what. So I know that not only did God answer her prayer but he answered ours too. He knew were going to need to know that she was our Kendra again and that we would be comforted in the knowledge that she was clean, that she made peace with her sisters and us and most importantly, that we were secure in our faith and that when she died, she was going home to be with her Heavenly Father.
I can't believe it's been a year since the beginning of the end. I have met many, many other people struggling with loss and addiction, so I pray that Kendra's life continues to bless others and that God uses me to tell her story. By doing this, I will always be Keeping Kendra. God bless all who read this.
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