Ten Months

It has been ten months since my life totally, forever changed.  Ten months since you took your last, earthly breath.  Ten months since I have seen you, held you, kissed you.  Ten months of learning to live without you.  Ten months of crying, grieving and realizing that the hole you left in our lives will never be filled.  Ten months of coming to terms with the fact that this is our life now.

When you were born, we lovingly counted your ten fingers, your ten toes.  You had such a traumatic birth, your collarbone was broken during delivery.   That was the only broken bone you ever had until the day you died.

As I am going through this journey, I recall all your moments, all the funny memories you left with us and I so want to keep your spirit alive.   I do know now that there will never be a day that I don't think of you, that I won't miss you and that I will never truly accept that you are gone.  I so miss your larger than life personality, your laughter, your sense of humor, the way you spoke your mind, saying whatever you thought, appropriate or not.  There will never be anyone like you in my life again and that makes me the saddest of all.

How is Heaven? How is it getting to be with Jesus? Are you with Nana and Papa? Do you talk about us all being together again someday? That's the only thing that keeps my grief at bay, from falling totally apart, is that you are so happy.  You are living what we all aspire to, going to our heavenly home, meeting all the saints and having eternal life.

But sometimes when I think back to the last 10 months, the future looms and it's hard to imagine not seeing you again as long as I live.  Please send me a sign, a little something to tide me over!  And please ask God to keep an eye on us as we continue to miss you.  Ten months seems so long without you and I can't hardly contemplate the years ahead. Miss you so much, our special K girl!