Falling leaves

We were driving to Tennessee to meet up with our oldest daughter, her husband and our two grandchildren.  They were evacuated out of South Carolina because of Hurricane Matthew.  They are adopting Kendra's son Ethan.  We had a lot of fun in Gatlinburg and went to Dollywood.  Sometimes I have to remind myself, fun is allowed and laughing does not mean that I'm not still grieving.  As we were leaving and the leaves were falling and pumpkins everywhere, a feeling of wanting to cry came over me.  Kendra loved Halloween and she loved taking her kids trick or treating.  I'm supposed to enjoy the upcoming holidays and some days that seems so hard.  I wish someone would jump out and say trick or treat, this is all a big joke, it's not real.

Kendra should still be here and she should be picking out Halloween costumes.  She should still be going to Kansas City Chiefs football games.  She should be sending me Christmas lists and wish lists.  She should be here, with us.  We have come into another season and everything goes on the same, time does not stop, nor does it heal my broken heart.  But I have to still carry on, I still decorated my house and put out my Halloween pumpkins, all the while thinking how much I miss my girl.

We have many good and funny memories of Kendra in her Halloween costumes and sometimes I can think of them and laugh and other times, think of them and cry.  The fall leaves really left me feeling melancholy and it's a hard feeling to overcome.

We are here in South Carolina now on vacation and I am so enjoying time with my kids.  Always underneath though I am always thinking of the one who is gone and who I am still missing so badly.  I am praying for strength to get through the next few months, as there is a holiday every month and culminating in the date Kendra went to her heavenly home.  Are there seasons in Heaven?  Just as the leaves are falling, so are my tears.