I don't think I have fully accepted and probably never will that you are really gone, that I will never be able to talk to you or see you for the rest of my life. I still expect to see your name pop up on my phone and I still have your numbers, email and Instagram on my phone. The hardest thing of all is when things happen and for an instant, I think Oh I have to call Kendra and tell her, then it hits me hard that I can't.
Like when the new Harry Potter book came out, all I could think was Kendra is going to be ecstatic about this. She was a HUGE fan, would read the books so fast, then wait impatiently for the next book to come out. I have all her books and Potter paraphernalia. But no, there was no one to call. Or when your son uses really big words and knows what they mean and how to spell them, I want to call you and say he is just like you. You wanted a thesaurus for Easter one year when you were about 9 or 10. You loved nothing more than to learn big words so you could use them in a sentence or when writing one of your stories. I would have been so excited to talk about that with you, that he has so many of your traits.
The Gilmore Girls are coming back with some new shows and we both loved this show. We would always discuss the characters and story lines, it was one of our favorites. But no, I couldn't call you. Or when Danielle tells us all the progress Ethan is making with them, you were so, so proud of your son and I just know you have to know he's with Danielle, right where you would have wanted him to be. But I automatically want to reach for the phone and tell you because you would always get so excited about how smart Ethan is. But no, I can't call.
When Gia comes and stays with us, I would love to call you and tell you how adorable she is and how big she's getting. I would have loved to tell you how heartbreaking and sweet she was running up to an angel by the fireplace and saying "Oh, my Kendra" and how she sat and talked to her gently and patted her head and arm. Then we sat and talked about her mommy being in Heaven.
Your best friend, Nicole, had a baby girl a few months ago and her middle name is Kendra. I cried tears of sorrow and joy when I saw her. You would have loved to meet her and I so wanted to call you and tell you all about her. I hope you can see glimpses from Heaven and see her.
We are coming into fall and I would normally be calling you to see what the kids wanted to be for Halloween and to tell you to start getting me Christmas ideas. I see things in the store and I will think oh you would love that. Since school just started, all the school supplies are out and I can not walk by the pens without crying. You would get so excited about finding just the right pens. You could spend forever looking at them and picking out the ones you wanted. You would laugh and say yes I'm a big nerd but I love school supplies!! I see the school supplies and I want to call you......
I want to call you and tell how awesome your son is doing with his new family, that Layne is taking great care of him. That he talks about you being an angel and wants to figure out how he can come and see you. That even though he has Aspergers he is so funny and comes up with hilarious sayings that his teachers called "Ethanisms"! You would so love that, you always loved to laugh.
I wish they had cell phones in Heaven and we could call or text once in awhile. I would love to have you tell us all about Heaven, what Jesus is like, what you do all day, so many questions. So I will save up all my questions, stories and all my memories for that wonderful day I can see you again, face to face. Until then I will always want to call you and I will always miss your vibrant presence in our lives. Heaven got a feisty, beautiful soul and we lost a bright light. Miss you more than I could ever put into words my K girl!
No comments:
Post a Comment