Today was a hard day!

Today was a hard day! Because most of the time, it does not seem real that Kendra is really gone and today the reality of it hit me hard. I have to face the fact that I will not have her in my life anymore and neither will her kids, her dad and her sisters and all of the others in our families  She will never be at another family celebration, birthday or Christmas.  She will never call or text my phone again.  I will never hear her laugh, cry or say I love you.  There are too many nevers and too many ever agains to name them all.  When I think of all the things that will happen and she won't be a part of, it takes my breath away and it's hard to breathe again.  I have heard people say that it gets better in time and I'm sure the pain does lesson, but a piece of my heart is forever missing and I don't think there's a cure or solution for that.  I will forever say I have three daughters but it will always cause a sharp pain to my heart.  I put my trust in the Lord to get us through these difficult times and I know he's with us.

So we are working on her bucket list, all 100 things!   I will go through all of them, ones she's checked off herself and ones we are working on. And I hope by doing this, we are honoring Kendra and keeping her memory alive. And I'm hoping it will help us heal.  There's no moving on when your child dies but we can move forward and maybe help a few others on the way.  

Next up number 1 on the bucket list.

                                                        Stephani, Kendra and Danielle

                                                          Stephani, Danielle and Kendra