I thought I knew what grief was

I always thought I knew what grief felt like.  My mother died at age 56 and my sisters and I were young women and it was a devastating blow to us.  It's been 21 years and I still miss her.  But that pain does not even compare to losing a daughter and watching the sorrow and sadness in my other two daughters losing their sister.  One of the first things we did was start going through boxes of her things (I'm a bit of a pack rat, a few things more and I could be on an episode of Hoarders, lol).

 Anyway we came across papers she wrote, poems, songs and books.  Then we found two pieces of binder paper with the heading "100 things I want to do in my life".  She wrote this when she was 12 and we had never seen it before.  We read it and we laughed and cried.  She had serious things, funny things and absolutely ridiculous things.  We had a few read at her service.  Then we came up with the crazy idea to fulfill her bucket list.  It gives us something else to think about and laugh about in our grief.  We do know that Kendra is home with her Heavenly Father and we rejoice in the fact that we will all be together again someday.  But that does not take away the ache in my heart or the fact that as long as I live, it will be without her.  Our three daughters are now only two and that still does not seem real.  Nights are still really hard as I lie awake and try to imagine what my life will be like without her in it.

So I'll be keeping Kendra in the only way I know how, by writing about her and remembering her in all her funny moments, sad moments, faults and accomplishments.  In doing this, I get to keep Kendra a little longer and she will forever be in my heart.

                                                        Danielle, Kendra and Stephani