6 YEARS

 

How can it be 6 years!??  My head knows it, but my heart does not feel it.  I still think about you every single day.  I yearn to see you again.  Grief time is not regular time.  Grief time can feel like I just saw you last week or years and years ago.  My love and longing for you does not diminish in the slightest bit.  I have heard all the sayings, time heals all wounds, it will get better, etc.  Simply not true.  Ask anyone who has lost a child and they will tell that nothing takes away the heartache of your child dying. 

Sometimes there are not words that are adequate to express my deep down sadness and grief and this is one of those days.  I recall every moment of this day, from waking up, seeing and talking to you, telling you goodbye and see you soon to the horrible phone call. I relive every moment, from waiting to hear if you made it to the knock on the door telling us you did not.  Making phone calls to loved ones and trying to tell the impossible news to a constant flow of people coming and going.  It was your son's birthday and trying to keep him out of it for the time being and your sister's birthday the next day.  To waiting for family members to arrive and the hundreds of phone calls asking if it was true.  That day and the memories will never fade from my mind. 

But I do rejoice that during the saddest, most unbelievable day of our lives, you were in Paradise with your Heavenly Father.  You were being greeted by angels, loved ones and hugs from Nana and Papa and Mimi and Papa.  You were having the best day of your life and that brings me so much comfort. 

Missing you every day K Girl but December 12 will always be bittersweet.  It is also a day that reminds me that life is precious, time with our loved ones should never be taken for granted and to live life to the fullest.