I was feeling so sad yesterday and really missing Kendra. It's not that her children are not doing well, that they are not happy and loved and cared for, because they so are. I just kept imagining her still being here and sending her kids off to school. I thought of her being so proud to take her precious Gia to her first day of kindergarten. I pictured her smiling and taking pictures and her excitement over her little girls first day of school. Then Ethan also started his first day of third grade and I know she would have been beaming with pride over how smart he is and that he shares her love of books, knowledge and using big words. She would be overjoyed seeing him turning into a wonderful young man.
The one thing that I have learned and that I'm still learning is the treacherous path of the grief journey is endless. I will be on this journey until the day I die. Because every time a special event happens, we are constantly reminded of her absence. We are always reminded that she is not here and then we wonder what she would do, say or think. This is never going to change.
I guess I'm still shocked at the intensity of missing her, that time does not lessen that, I'm still shocked that it feels like a hammer blow to my heart when I think about her. It still feels fresh, like she left us yesterday. My momma's heart will never stop yearning for her.
It breaks my heart when I think of all the firsts that she's going miss out on and not be here for. My one comfort is knowing where she is, that she's happy and at peace and someday I'm going to see her again and that's going to be the best first of all!!!
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