I had a dream

Kendra and Candace

I have been waiting to dream of Kendra since the day she died.  I have heard other people say that they dream about their loved ones that have died and I have wanted to have a dream with her in it for so long now, over a year.  I just told Danielle yesterday that I was still waiting for a dream of her and she said that she was wanting to have one also.

So I couldn't believe that I had one last night after just telling Danielle that.  It was weird, of course, as most dreams are, but there she was.  She still looked like her with her long hair and her big smile.  It was as if though that I knew she came back and would soon be leaving again, I totally understood that in my dream.  One of her friends, Candace, was in the dream too. The last part of the dream, which came too soon, she was walking into a building and I called out to her to come back and give me a hug.  I hugged her a really long time and it felt so good.  I remember I stroked her hair and didn't want to let her go. I was so happy that I finally got to have that dream, but it left me so sad today. I have been thinking about her all day and it brought full force to me how much I miss her.  I physically ache in my heart and would give anything to really give her one more hug.

But I guess that is all I can hope for here on earth, to be able to see her in my dreams.  I like to think that she told God, my momma needs to see me and give me a hug.  I know God knows the heartache and the pain that I am feeling and the longing for my child.  I know that death is not the end, that for Kendra it was just the beginning of spending her eternity in Heaven and that does give me comfort.  But boy, some days I just miss her so badly and seeing her in my dream just reinforced how much she is missed here by me, her dad, her kids and her sisters and all her friends and family. She left a pretty big hole and it will never be filled.

So Kendra, thank you for coming to me and letting me see you and hug you and love on you, even it was just for a short bit.  It was enough to last me for awhile.  Even though I feel sad today, I know you are in such a better place and happier beyond my wildest dreams.  So until I am actually with you again someday, please keep coming and giving your momma a visit now and then.  Love you to the moon and back K Girl.