The Club no one wants to join

Since Kendra died I have met so many people who have lost their children too soon.  It's kind of like when you buy a new car and you start noticing them everywhere as you are driving around.  And maybe God puts us together to help comfort one another.  It does not matter if their child died a couple months, a couple years or a couple of decades ago, they are still grieving and missing their child.  I also realized they want to talk about them.  They want others to know all about them, comfort is found in reliving and remembering them.  As long as we can talk about our kids, they are still with us.

I know some people are very uncomfortable to talk to us about our loss.  I think they are afraid we are going to break down and start crying uncontrollably.  I only do that in private, by the way.  Or they think we don't want to talk about them.  I will always want to talk about Kendra, my memories are all that I have left of her. I enjoy remembering her.

I have had lots of people tell me that I am now part of a club.  I can tell you that it's a club I never would have wanted to join.  The price of the membership is too high, too painful and one you can never get out of.  But if there is ever comfort in numbers, there are too many members in this club.  We do all understand each other's pain, the longing to see our loved ones again and the persistent ache that dulls over time but never goes away.

So once we are a lifetime member it is our choice what we are going to do with that membership.  We can withdraw into ourselves and mourn our loss or we can choose to live, to pray that others see that we are living our faith and that our faith is real. I do feel a change, I am more empathetic, more caring and I never take a day for granted.  I realize my blessings more deeply and I love others because we don't know what others are going through.  I tell my family and friends that I love them all the time and I am much more vocal in my faith.

So maybe there are some good things in being a member.  My faith and trust in God is greater, my family more precious and my appreciation for all the good things happening in my life is not taken for granted.  Kendra is gone and I still cry when I see that in writing and when I stop and think about it.  It still does not seem real but I hope for positive things to come out of her death and I will spend the rest of my life making sure she is never forgotten. I will spend the rest of my life loving and missing her until that day when we will be together again in Heaven. And that's a club we all should want to join.