Do they celebrate birthdays in heaven?

Tough week!!!  Mother's Day this past Sunday, then five months of you being gone and the hardest of all, it's your birthday on May 14th.   Some days or is this case, week, seems so hard to get through! I have thought about you so much this week.  I've been remembering your birth, you as a little girl, then a middle schooler, a cheerleader, competing in singing contests and talent shows, your mission trips and then being a wife, mother and friend. You went through so much with Gia, her heart tumor and you staying 3 months up at Children's Mercy in Kansas City.   It just does not seem fair that you are not here to see her grow up!!!  Or all the studying you did on Aspergers for your son, Ethan.

I still can't imagine going through the rest of my life without you in it, without seeing you or talking to you.  The pain is still so hard to bear sometimes.  Do they celebrate birthdays in heaven? Did you get to turn 29?  We always made a big deal out of birthdays.  Birthday shopping was the most fun day! We shopped, had lunch, sometimes hair appointments and then hit Sephora for a makeover and new makeup.   This Saturday there will be no shopping trip, no lunch, no makeup or makeover, no Kendra. It's your birthday, but no birthday girl!  This hurts my heart more than I can express. I was in Springfield a couple days ago and I drove by our favorite sushi place.  It took all my willpower to not pull the car over and start bawling!

In honor of her birthday, I'm going to list some of her favorite things while she was growing up:
Favorite shows were Roseanne, Will and Grace and Family Guy.  Favorite movies were Bring it On,
with her all time favorite being Titanic.  Her favorite singer was Christina Aguilera, she had all her albums, including the Christmas one in Spanish and she knew every word and her favorite bands were Coheed and Cambria and Mars Volta. Favorite books, there were so many! But she loved Stephen King, Christopher Moore, Jodi Picoult and of course, Harry Potter! She read them all over and over.  Favorite foods and drinks were COFFEE, COFFEE, COFFEE with lots of cream and sugar, eggnog and milk shakes.  Honey bunches of oats with strawberries, strawberry sorbet and sweet tarts. She really loved big jewelry!  Big rings, big earrings and big chunky necklaces, the bigger the better!!!  Singing karaoke was another favorite.
Hanging out, laughing, singing and just having fun with her sisters, family, friends and her kids.

I don't know if it will ever get easier when May 14th comes around.  Probably not.  We used to share your birthday and Mother's Day together on the same day a few times.  I really, really hate that you are not here on your birthday, that we don't get to have our annual day together. Your absence is so felt this week and it hurts.  I wish I would wake up and it's all been a bad dream, not our new reality. I still think about you every day and your sisters and I talk about you all the time, but this first birthday without you is really hitting all of us hard.  This is what our life is now, going on but without you. I don't like it, it's not the life I planned.  I wish we were shopping tomorrow and not trying to avoid the day instead.

So I hope they celebrate your big day in style up there.  That you get a makeover and new clothes and have sushi for lunch.  I really hope you are having the time of your life and every day is a celebration in your beautiful new home.  Just wishing I wasn't missing you so much.   Happy birthday to our funny, loving, beautiful daughter and sister who will forever be 28!