Grief SUCKS!

 Sorry, there is not one nice thing to say about grief!  It just sucks! You are going through your day and some little thing happens and before you know it, you are overwhelmed with feelings of loss and sadness and you start crying like you will never stop.

I try not to dwell on thinking too much about what I and her dad, sisters, her kids and the rest of our family will never get to do with her again.  We will not get to see her dream of graduating college and obtaining a PHD come true.  We will not get to have another birthday or Christmas with her again. I still have some of her Christmas presents that are still wrapped with her name on them.  I do not know what I will do with them. I  gave some of her gifts to her sisters and sent some back. Her birthday is next month and she will never turn 29.  She will forever be 28 and I am robbed of seeing her become an older woman. I will never get the chance to see what she would have made of her life after turning it around. She had so many plans for the future.

I do not get the joy of seeing her with  her kids anymore or hearing her excitement over their accomplishments. I will forever be sad at not having all three of my girls together again, no more pictures, no more endless laughing over old family jokes and movies.

The dynamics of our family has changed greatly and I hear people talk about a new normal.  What is that? It will never be the same again.  Yes, we will go on and will still enjoy life and have new adventures.  But back to normal, never.

I grieve for so many things, and like I said I do try and not dwell on them or I would be overwhelmed.  I do take great comfort and draw strength from God, our family and friends and our wonderful church family.  It seems like days that I am struggling, somebody will text me or send a card or note. I even had one sweet church friend send a song that she said she would think of our family every time she heard it. And I have other church friends who will call, text or send notes saying they are praying for us.  I do not know how we would get through this process without the Lord and all of our dear friends. I rely heavily on my family, my husband and our two awesome, loving daughters.

So yes, grief sucks! But grieving is the price we pay when we lose someone we love.  And when that person is a child of God, we don't really lose them, we are just giving them back.  So I thank God for the time he allowed us to have with Kendra and that she is right where she should be. With her Heavenly Father in her forever home.  Until we meet again, I will forever miss, love and grieve for her.      

A picture I found on your cracked laptop taken at Sephora on your birthday, May 14, 2013