And then out of nowhere........

Gianna and "Kendra Angel"

I have heard grief described as ocean waves, some come in gentle, some a little bigger and some are tidal waves! When the tidal waves hit, it literally knocks the breath out of you and you sometimes even feel like you are drowning.  The sadness and sorrow are so overwhelming.  Then the tears or sobs come on.

I have witnessed some tidal waves this week, the event might be very small and insignificant but it can bring the waves crashing into shore. One was going to Springfield.  This was where Kendra and her family lived before rehab and the accident.  They lived in a house we bought when Ethan was born, so they had lived there 8 years.  Both my husband and I said later it always gives us such a sense of sadness and anxiety driving into the city.  We were going to visit our brand new little niece at the hospital.  Dan held her first then gave her to me.  As I was holding her, I looked over and he was standing in the corner with tears streaming down his face.  I asked him if he was ok and he nodded yes.  I couldn't look at him again or I would have joined him and I wouldn't have been able to stop.  Later as we were in the car, he said I had a Kendra moment, holding that little dark haired girl brought back so many memories.  I nodded because then I couldn't talk because I was bawling. You never dream as new parents holding your precious little baby girl that she won't live to be 29, that you won't get to watch her become the woman you just know she will be.

Kendra's little girl came to stay with us and she ran up to a tall angel we have by our fireplace and she said "oh there's my Kendra" and she patted her hair and stroked her face and talked to her. I couldn't watch and had to leave the room.  Her son, who our oldest daughter and son in law are adopting was being reprimanded for something and he asked them "Are you going to give me away"?  My heart is still broken over that one and I'm crying as I'm typing this.  So many things coming from one person not being here anymore.

That's when I realize that I have much to be thankful for and hopeful for.  Thankful for the life, health, family and friends and all the blessings that the Lord gave me and hopeful because I know this life is not the end. Hope in Jesus Christ and in believing that this life is only a small blip compared to eternity.  That we will all be together again someday.  Oh the joy and hope that our Savior gives us!

But as I sit and think, it comes to me that when we die and leave this earth to join our Heavenly Father, don't we want that kind of life? That leaves an impact, one that touches many lives and hearts?  We should all want to leave this life, not with a gentle, lapping splash but a mighty, roaring, majestic tidal wave! Thank you Kendra for reminding us to love big, live big and give this life our all!

Ethan, Danielle and Layne