I am both blessed and sad this Mothers Day! I have two wonderful, loving daughters who mean the world to me. But as I reflect on being a mother on this Mothers Day, I can't help but feel a profound sadness. I have always had three girls calling me or seeing me on Mothers Day. I have always had three girls giving me cards with special notes written just to me. I will never get over not having my three girls anymore.
For the past 23 years, its been my three girls, doing everything together. No family get together would be complete without the girls singing, laughing, playing with the kids, eating and just having fun together. Our family has shrunk and just one person being gone leaves a huge, empty hole. It will never be filled, it will never go away, there will never be a time when we will not wish she was still here with us.
I lost my mom 21 years ago and I have always felt a special sadness anyway on Mothers Day. I always think of my mom and how much I miss her and I have really wanted her these past few months. She would know what to say to me, how to comfort me, that's what a mom does. I don't even mind admitting I'm feeling sorry for myself today. I don't do it very often, but I'm really missing my mom and Kendra. I have actually spent my time today on the treadmill watching Will & Grace and Roaeanne, crying while getting my steps in. These were two of Kendra's favorite shows and she would watch them over and over. I realize now how hard it was for my grandma when my mom died. It's just not the right order. Moms are not supposed to bury a daughter and watch her other daughters grieve or see her grandchildren lose their mother. I don't really know if we are supposed to question Gods plans for our lives, but I do not understand why her time was up so soon. Our middle is missing and that's something I still can't quite come to grips with yet. I probably never will.
So I am so blessed to have my two girls here and one girl already in her heavenly home. I am truly grateful that I have a peace knowing Kendra was saved, but I still miss her so much. Yes, it's Mothers Day today, but I don't know about the happy quite yet.
Wishing a blessed Mother's Day to all of you with children both here with us and for those whose children are not. I will always love and treasure my three girls!!
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