How lucky am I?

Ethan and his "Gibson Family"

 
How lucky am I to have people in my life that I love so much that it makes saying goodbye so hard? I think this is actually a quote from Winnie the Pooh, who knew he was so smart?  I am lucky that the Lord blessed us with three beautiful daughters.  Losing Kendra has been the toughest ordeal that we have ever had to deal with.  Not even getting to say goodbye hurts every day.

Now her precious son Ethan is getting ready for a whole new chapter in his life.  Our awesome son-in-law and daughter are adopting him into their family of three, now four.  Ethan is so excited to be with his new family and we are so happy for him.  I just wish it wasn't so far away!   I know Kendra would have wanted exactly this scenario for her son.  I'm sure she's smiling down on us and thrilled that her little pride and joy is being taken care of.

Ethan is a very special and bright boy.  His personality outshines his Aspergers and I just know his future is going to be very bright.  I try not to think about what might have been or could have been because that won't bring his momma back.   Kendra was so proud of Ethan and how smart he was. She was always bragging about what he was reading or studying about. She always said I don't care if he's different, he's so smart.  She would have loved to see how well he's been doing in school and she would be overjoyed to see how many people love him and think he's funny and how many friends he has!

We are all preparing for a new phase in our life. We have had Ethan since Kendra died and he has brought so much love and joy into our home at a time when things seemed so bleak.  He's kept a smile on our faces and takes us away from our grief.  I am going to miss him so.

How lucky am I to have had Kendra for the time the Lord allowed us and to have loved and been loved by her.  How lucky am I to have had Ethan in our life and now to see him go on to even greater accomplishments.  How lucky am I that I am a mother who loves her children so deeply that it's so hard to say goodbye, that my love will last longer than a lifetime. Being a mother has been one of the most challenging, rewarding and best thing to ever happen in my life.  I did not know that I would lose a daughter and how horrible it would be. But I would not trade one minute of having Kendra and raising her and watching her become a young woman and mother for anything in the world.  Even knowing the pain of being without her, I would go through it all over again.  My love, pain and grief over losing her is eternal.  How lucky am I that we will one day be together again! 

Kendra and Ethan

Kendra and Ethan-Halloween 2010